OVERHEARD ON ELECTION NIGHT 2012:
TRUMP: Mr. President, congratulations on your re-election.
OBAMA: Thank you, Donald. This worked out very well for both of us.
TRUMP: I have always—always—sought out mutually profitable partnerships.
OBAMA: Yes, Donald, but now I know how you got your reputation. I mean, I had the idea myself of withholding the birth certificate, even though there was nothing wrong with it. Week after week it just made my opponents look foolish.
TRUMP: Yes; well, never get in the way of your enemy when he’s in the process of destroying himself.
OBAMA: But even our campaign team would never have come up with your truly brilliant plan in all of its glory. I mean, All this boob-bait reactionary birther stuff coming from an east coast insider, and just enough of it to get the rubes all worked up.
TRUMP: And knowing that the base of the GOP wouldn’t actually give me the nomination . . .
OBAMA: And how you knew you would still gain enough support as a “straight-talking” independent candidate to peel critical rube votes away from the Republican. 1992 redux. Brilliant. We were weeks into this before it even fully dawned on Plouffe. Then one day he just blurted out, “Perot wasn’t trying to elect Clinton. And TR hated Wilson in 1912. But what if they had had had a ‘Secret Deal’?”
TRUMP: Yeah, he was like a guy in one of those old commercials, “I coulda had a V-8!”
OBAMA: Exactly. That was fun. I should have told him earlier, but I needed him to look sincere when attacking you. Now I just hope all this works with the Chinese.
TRUMP: Why wouldn’t it? They’re sitting on piles of cash they don’t know what to do with. They’re building empty cities . . . And they’ve been dumb—or smart—enough to keep lending a lot of this money back to us. And they also know I have a track record of promoting successful real estate developments in jurisdictions that have, shall we say, authoritarian governments . . . You win, I win, they win. What’s for them not to like?
OBAMA: That’s why you’re “the Donald.” Sit down and have a cigar. You deserve it.
TRUMP: Is this from your buddy Fidel? Just kidding. Hey, which chair should I sit in?
OBAMA: The middle one. The “Donald Chair.” Right in between the Immelt chair and the Goldman Sachs chair.